For some reason, our family has seemed to have gotten hit with a lot of different, constant sicknesses this fall. Someone jokingly told me "Well I guess that's what you get with four kids!" In a way I'm sure it holds a level of truth! But to be honest, I hope it doesn't! Because I certainly get sick of being sick.
The transition to four kids has been the hardest for me. I think that it has been the hardest due to circumstance. I have always added a baby to the family without kids in school, and now I have two in school and at different schools at that. I have thankfully been incredibly blessed with angel friends who help by taking B along with their daughters to school so I only have to drive to/from school 3 times rather than 4 per day. But regardless, for whatever reason, it has just been the most difficult.
For the past several weeks in particular I have found myself getting completely run down. I have been sick, not sick enough to be a big deal, but the kind of sick when you feel crummy enough that you're exhausted. A sign that your body is telling you to rest, right? Well my husband would agree. I should be going to bed early. But the thing is, when my kids are finally in bed for the night that's mom time. Time where I can get housework done without neglecting the time of my littles and also have time just for myself to do what I want to do. Unfortunately lack of sleep led to emotional and spiritual stunting. I was more impatient with my children - grumpy mom came out a LOT more. The prophet, President Russell M. Nelson, has challenged the women of the church to read the Book of Mormon by the end of the year. I have been taking that challenge. But lately my physical and emotional lack has led to a lack of the ability to feel the spirit. I know I could be getting more from my scripture studies. I have never been so run down perhaps in my whole life. And it snuck up on me slowly. This complete running out of steam came to a head for me recently and ended with me crying over the fact that really I just want to be super mom and to have time for ALL the things, every day.
I have done a lot of yard work in the last 6 months. From cutting down diseased bushes to cutting back huge trees, to pruning crepe myrtles.
I had never really paid much attention to crepe myrtles as a tree until we lived here. We have several in our backyard and so now I notice their presence wherever we go. They are beautiful and flower in the spring - in colors that come in purples, reds, and whites. Unfortunately when our house was built, I can tell that the landscaper perhaps didn't adequately consider the growth of the plants chosen over time. We have full sun plant in full shade and vice versa.
Because of the great growth of nearby trees and lack of past pruning, our crepe myrtles had grown very awkwardly - they were very tall and skinny with the leaves and blooms only being on the very tops of the branches where they could reach the sun. In order to compensate for this, I have been correcting problems by trimming, cutting, and pruning.
As I was pruning the crepe myrtles, I couldn't help but thinking about how much these were like my own life. Because of circumstance, these trees were trying so hard to put their energy into blooms and growth but needed the sun. Yes they were full sized, but were not growing to their full beauty and potential. They need this pruning to start over, cut out the unnecessary branches so they can redistribute their energy into the branches that will be the strongest and beautify the tree.
At the time of my breakdown, my loving husband talked to me about how sometimes it's just not possible or best to do everything, especially when it comes at the cost of nothing getting my fullest potential because I'm stretched so thin. I cannot lift others when I am below them. So now it is time to regroup and redirect. Focus on what matters most.
It is time for a pruning.
What do you need to prune in your life?
love, Christine
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