When KC and I were first married, I had a really hard time deciding on whether or not we should have children and when. To my surprise we were led to the conclusion to have children pretty early on in our marriage and Dia joined our family just before our 2 year anniversary. Although I was incredibly nervous and apprehensive about becoming a mother, I truly believe that Heavenly Father blessed me to be one. As soon as Dia was born it felt that something just "clicked" within me. Motherhood came so easy - like the comfort of stepping into a pair of well loved shoes.
Throughout our marriage, I have heard "oh you will be so glad to send your kids back to school when summer is over". But I have never held that sentiment. My children are my joy, and my world. This year, Tyler is starting Kindergarten and Dia is entering Middle school. Brynlee is now the oldest of the children at the elementary school, and will take on that role accordingly. Today marks the first time in 11 years that I have not been caring for at least one child 24/7. Except for the soft clicking of my keyboard, the house is still and quiet.
I don't know if there is any good way to prepare for this moment. It is overwhelming with emotion. To be honest, I felt like maybe I just wasn't ready for my baby to go to Kinder. Really, it's that I was scared and was mourning that part of my life being over. As of today, life will never look quite the same. For as much as you savor the moments of childhood, the truth is that the years do pass by quickly.
The most common question that I've gotten and the one I've tried to think of an answer for myself is "what are you going to do now with all the kids in school?" And the truth is, I don't know. For now, I am giving myself grace. After fully giving myself to my children for 11 years I'm going to just take some time for myself - time to grieve what has been lost and time to meditate on what can be gained. Time to figure out how my relationships with my children will shift as we head into a new, older future.
Change is inevitable. But family is constant. I'm so grateful for the comfort that this afternoon, and every afternoon, my children will be back. Those times will not be changed. There will still be after school extra curriculars to attend and things to do. There will still be laughter and fighting and snuggles. There will still be love.
To my beautiful children. You are not alone. I am with you in spirit cheering you on. Every day.
To my Father in Heaven. Thank you for being there in spirit and cheering us on. Every day.
Love,
Christine
