Great to be Eight

Today is Dia's 8th birthday and I am finding myself choking back tears regularly. I feel like a sappy sap, but I am feeling all the feelings.

When KC and I got married, I didn't want to start having kids until I was at least 27. I had never really babysat growing up, and I didn't have much experience with kids at all. It's safe to say when we knew it was time to have kids, and I was pregnant with Dia, I was terrified. I didn't think I was ready to be a mom and more than once I wondered if maybe we had made a mistake.

When she joined our family, I knew immediately Heavenly Father had blessed me an instinct for motherhood. Diving into caring and loving for her came easily. Of course it doesn't hurt that she is easy to love.

It has been the pleasure of my life to watch her grow, learn, and develop in each stage. I have observed her not only give up the limelight of being an only child, but also her selfless service to her siblings. I have seen her personality bloom. I have seen her in her most pained moments when she is still trying to be brave. I have tried to teach her in her moments of frustration when she doesn't understand. I have watched her as she lights up when she does. She is truly beautiful on the outside as well as a beautiful soul on the inside.  I am constantly amazed by her desire to be helpful, her capacity to love, and her never-ending inquisitiveness. There is no doubt that she brings greater beauty to the tapestry of our family.

This year is a milestone year as she is now eligible to be baptized a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. This is a choice that we have talked with her about often and how it needs to be her decision, and hers alone. She has zealously accepted to commit to this covenant. Unfortunately with COVID-19 her baptism is postponed for now.

She also learned how to ride her bike without training wheels recently. I have grappled with letting her ride to the park and back (just a few blocks away). Although none of the other children on the street have this privilege, I am finding myself trying to figure out the concept of independence; when are children old enough and mature enough to be given levels of responsibility and independence. Because I realize I cannot hold onto her forever.

The concept of independence, and of letting go, is hard. And I know that it's not ever going to get easier. Not even when she is grown and gone from our home. As we celebrate another year older for the girl who made me a mommy though, I do look forward to what her future holds, because I truly believe it's going to be bright, and I feel privileged to be an observer and part of it. Happy Birthday to my precious girl.

Love, Mommy

Testimony

For many reasons, 2020 is a year that I have been looking forward to in our house. One of these is because Dia is hitting what is considered a milestone year in our church as she is going to be celebrating her 8th birthday this year.

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, 8 years old is the youngest that a person can be baptized. This is considered to be the age of accountability, when children are able to understand right from wrong, and that choices are accompanied by consequences, be they positive or negative.

This year as a part of the Come Follow Me program, we are studying and reading the Book of Mormon together as a family.  Dia is an avid reader and does seem to love learning about all things and how they work, including those things of the church. As such, I purchased her the Red Headed Hostess's Book of Mormon Study Guide for children and youth. Initially when Dia received this book she was so excited. But as I encouraged her to use it this evening she had a very difficult time wanting to. This led into a long conversation.

We talked about how for her, this feels like doing extra homework. I explained that I often times feel that doing my scripture study is a chore, and that it can feel like doing homework to me sometimes as well. We talked about why we read the scriptures. This week we have learned about Lehi's vision and the tree of life. We discussed how only those who held onto the rod of iron (the word of God) were able to make it to the tree. We talked about how Heavenly Father and Mother love us beyond anything we can comprehend and how they long to bless us, but in order for them to do so, we need to do our part so that the windows of heaven may be opened so that they can pour them out upon us. We also discussed how there will be times in our lives when we are struggling and want to hear His voice. And that the best way we can hear Him and know what He wants us to know is through the holy scriptures. And that ultimately, our goal is to develop a deep love for our Heavenly Father, which will lead us to want to read the scriptures daily.

The most impactful part of our conversation for me came when Dia asked "But how will I know that the Book of Mormon is true?" This is such an excellent question. It is one that feel strongly about because I desire for my children to decide for themselves what they believe is right, with the understanding that ultimately it may not be the same path that I have chosen.

Making the decision to be baptized is a big one. In our church, it is the first covenant, or promise, that you make with Heavenly Father. It is not an oath to take lightly, as not keeping this covenant can bring eternal consequences. I was able to explain to Dia that being baptized is an important decision, and that knowing that the Book of Mormon is true is an essential part of that decision. Because if she knew that the Book of Mormon is true, then she would know that the prophet Joseph Smith (who translated that book) was a true prophet of God and that he restored the Church of Jesus Christ in its fulness upon the earth today. This would, of course, be important to know if you were becoming a member of said church.

Together we read Moroni's promise, found in Moroni chapter 10 verses 3-5.

3 Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts.

4 And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.

5 And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.

After explaining what these verses meant, we had a conversation about the Holy Ghost. The Holy Ghost is the member of the godhead who will touch your spirit, to help you know the things of God. He gives you guidance on what you should do, and whether things are wrong or right. The way each person feels the influence of the Holy Ghost can be different. Dia told me that she is not sure if she has ever felt the Holy Ghost. She said "Sometimes I think lots of thoughts, but I don't know if those are my thoughts or if they could be the Holy Ghost." Oh! I have the same problem even as an adult. 

Bear with me, because although my thoughts are everywhere, they'll eventually come around. Recently we had a few incidents with Dia where she had come home from school convinced that something another classmate had told her was true. For example, she was very upset that the kissing bug she saw on the school bus could kill her. Her friends mother and I reassured her that because someone says that something is true doesn't mean that it is, and that we, who are older and have more experience (and I'd wish to say wiser!) knew that the kissing bug was not going to kill her. Likewise, I told Dia that she could read hundreds of articles saying that the Book of Mormon was true, and a hundred more saying that it was not true. I told her that as she reads the Book of Mormon, she will find that it will testify of its own truth. However, the only way that she will know if it is true is by asking our Heavenly Father, who knows ALL things, whether or not the Book of Mormon is true. 

She became concerned that she may never feel the Holy Ghost testify to her that the Book of Mormon is true. And what if that happens? Will Heavenly Father or I love her less? I said no. There is nothing she could do or choose that would make me love her less. And Heavenly Father will never love us less. He loves us with a perfect love. And He knows us perfectly. 

The truth is, that the thing that I treasure most is the thing that I ultimately cannot give to my children. I can teach them of our loving Heavenly parents, who are always watching over us, and rejoicing in our victories and sorrowing with us in our disappointments, who pour out blessings upon us that we see and sometimes cannot see. I can teach my children of our Savior Jesus Christ, who has made it possible for us make choices for ourselves, and to repent when we make the wrong ones. We can watch and hear our living prophet speak the words of God, which he has received through direct revelation from Him. But to KNOW the truth is something that only He can give through the Holy Spirit. As I testified to my daughter this evening, I know that for something as important as this, Heavenly Father will not stay silent. I know that if we believe in Jesus Christ, and have a desire to know truth, and ask God, He will give us an answer, and that answer will not be one that we will be unsure about or can ignore. He loves us. He is there. Ask, and ye shall receive.