Testimony

For many reasons, 2020 is a year that I have been looking forward to in our house. One of these is because Dia is hitting what is considered a milestone year in our church as she is going to be celebrating her 8th birthday this year.

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, 8 years old is the youngest that a person can be baptized. This is considered to be the age of accountability, when children are able to understand right from wrong, and that choices are accompanied by consequences, be they positive or negative.

This year as a part of the Come Follow Me program, we are studying and reading the Book of Mormon together as a family.  Dia is an avid reader and does seem to love learning about all things and how they work, including those things of the church. As such, I purchased her the Red Headed Hostess's Book of Mormon Study Guide for children and youth. Initially when Dia received this book she was so excited. But as I encouraged her to use it this evening she had a very difficult time wanting to. This led into a long conversation.

We talked about how for her, this feels like doing extra homework. I explained that I often times feel that doing my scripture study is a chore, and that it can feel like doing homework to me sometimes as well. We talked about why we read the scriptures. This week we have learned about Lehi's vision and the tree of life. We discussed how only those who held onto the rod of iron (the word of God) were able to make it to the tree. We talked about how Heavenly Father and Mother love us beyond anything we can comprehend and how they long to bless us, but in order for them to do so, we need to do our part so that the windows of heaven may be opened so that they can pour them out upon us. We also discussed how there will be times in our lives when we are struggling and want to hear His voice. And that the best way we can hear Him and know what He wants us to know is through the holy scriptures. And that ultimately, our goal is to develop a deep love for our Heavenly Father, which will lead us to want to read the scriptures daily.

The most impactful part of our conversation for me came when Dia asked "But how will I know that the Book of Mormon is true?" This is such an excellent question. It is one that feel strongly about because I desire for my children to decide for themselves what they believe is right, with the understanding that ultimately it may not be the same path that I have chosen.

Making the decision to be baptized is a big one. In our church, it is the first covenant, or promise, that you make with Heavenly Father. It is not an oath to take lightly, as not keeping this covenant can bring eternal consequences. I was able to explain to Dia that being baptized is an important decision, and that knowing that the Book of Mormon is true is an essential part of that decision. Because if she knew that the Book of Mormon is true, then she would know that the prophet Joseph Smith (who translated that book) was a true prophet of God and that he restored the Church of Jesus Christ in its fulness upon the earth today. This would, of course, be important to know if you were becoming a member of said church.

Together we read Moroni's promise, found in Moroni chapter 10 verses 3-5.

3 Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts.

4 And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.

5 And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.

After explaining what these verses meant, we had a conversation about the Holy Ghost. The Holy Ghost is the member of the godhead who will touch your spirit, to help you know the things of God. He gives you guidance on what you should do, and whether things are wrong or right. The way each person feels the influence of the Holy Ghost can be different. Dia told me that she is not sure if she has ever felt the Holy Ghost. She said "Sometimes I think lots of thoughts, but I don't know if those are my thoughts or if they could be the Holy Ghost." Oh! I have the same problem even as an adult. 

Bear with me, because although my thoughts are everywhere, they'll eventually come around. Recently we had a few incidents with Dia where she had come home from school convinced that something another classmate had told her was true. For example, she was very upset that the kissing bug she saw on the school bus could kill her. Her friends mother and I reassured her that because someone says that something is true doesn't mean that it is, and that we, who are older and have more experience (and I'd wish to say wiser!) knew that the kissing bug was not going to kill her. Likewise, I told Dia that she could read hundreds of articles saying that the Book of Mormon was true, and a hundred more saying that it was not true. I told her that as she reads the Book of Mormon, she will find that it will testify of its own truth. However, the only way that she will know if it is true is by asking our Heavenly Father, who knows ALL things, whether or not the Book of Mormon is true. 

She became concerned that she may never feel the Holy Ghost testify to her that the Book of Mormon is true. And what if that happens? Will Heavenly Father or I love her less? I said no. There is nothing she could do or choose that would make me love her less. And Heavenly Father will never love us less. He loves us with a perfect love. And He knows us perfectly. 

The truth is, that the thing that I treasure most is the thing that I ultimately cannot give to my children. I can teach them of our loving Heavenly parents, who are always watching over us, and rejoicing in our victories and sorrowing with us in our disappointments, who pour out blessings upon us that we see and sometimes cannot see. I can teach my children of our Savior Jesus Christ, who has made it possible for us make choices for ourselves, and to repent when we make the wrong ones. We can watch and hear our living prophet speak the words of God, which he has received through direct revelation from Him. But to KNOW the truth is something that only He can give through the Holy Spirit. As I testified to my daughter this evening, I know that for something as important as this, Heavenly Father will not stay silent. I know that if we believe in Jesus Christ, and have a desire to know truth, and ask God, He will give us an answer, and that answer will not be one that we will be unsure about or can ignore. He loves us. He is there. Ask, and ye shall receive. 

General Conference Activities - October 2019

General Conference has really snuck up on me this year! I can't believe we're a mere 2 days away! I'm looking forward to hearing what the Lord has inspired His prophet and apostles to say. In my preparations, I've created & modified a few activities for the kids that I've found on lds.org. You can download them yourself if you'd like by clicking the links.

MATCHING GAME 

Download backs HERE.
Download fronts HERE.

PROPHET AND APOSTLES COLORING PAGES/NOTES

The original coloring pages for these are found on the church's website - see them here. 
I have modified these pages to include names and a place for notes.

Download HERE.

CONFERENCE BINGO

This was a favorite with my kids last conference. Probably because they got candy as game pieces. Ha!

This folder has four different arrangements. Download HERE.

SUGAR CUBE TEMPLES

This conference the kids will also have sugar cubes to build temples. It's a new activity - one I've seen before but we've never done. I'm hoping more go on the temple than into little mouths - that would make them sick quick! 

Photo Credit : Our Family Blog

Anxiety

When KC was growing up he was sure that he wanted to be an orthopedic surgeon. As he started medical school he still felt that that was the dream. When he began studying Psychiatry as part of his medical school learning, he fell in love. He was incredibly hesitant at first because there is a stigma surrounding mental health. When he told me that he wanted to learn more and possibly pursue a residency in Psychiatry I felt similar critical sentiments - why do you want to waste your medical school training? You wouldn't even be using your medical tools or picking up a stethoscope ever again. You did all this to become a therapist? (Which, for the record, psychology and psychiatry ARE two different things.) Those were feelings I had to work through myself - and ultimately I have always felt strongly that he should do what he loves and is passionate about. So that's the path he and we have taken. As he goes to his work now in residency, I love watching him come home in the evening. He loves going to work every day. He is growing, he is learning, and he is excited to do it. This is his calling.

I don't know whether to call it poetic, but almost a year and a half ago I myself was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). I have often felt incredibly guilty for KC because not only does he deal with this at work, but then has to come home and deal with it here as well. I couldn't be luckier to have a husband who loves me beyond what I think I understand and is so patient in my worst times.

For the last few months my anxiety hasn't been well controlled, the last few weeks being the worst. Since being diagnosed with GAD I have really come to realize how many people don't understand what living with anxiety is like. There is a marked difference between having normal anxiety and having anxiety clinically.

I am now coming to terms with that I may have GAD for the rest of my life. When I was diagnosed and treated with a thyroid disorder in my youth, I had no problems taking a pill every day for the rest of my life. But this has been different. Perhaps it is my own pride. When my thyroid isn't under control I don't feel the effects as much as I do when my anxiety isn't controlled. I really do sometimes hate having GAD because the emotional effects can be harder than physical ones.

So what is it like, to have clinical anxiety? I think the best description is tense and tiring. My body carries tension, especially my jaw, which has led to teeth grinding issues. Repetitive thoughts take hold all day long. Sometimes these thoughts are irrational. And in the back of your mind you know it's irrational, but you can't stop thinking about it, even though you know you should. (This is why you can't tell someone with anxiety to "just snap out of it". They want to. But they literally can't.) So you can spend the whole day thinking and with tension in your body until at night, you are exhausted. But then you can't fall asleep because of the thoughts swirling around in your head. It can be pretty easy to get into a downward spiral - especially if the irrational thoughts are self deprecating ones.

Everyone has moments of anxiety. But when it began to interfere with my ability to complete daily activities and interact with others in a usual manner, that's how I knew I needed help.

So why am I sharing this now? I don't know. I just feel like it's important to break barriers and be heard. Although mental health stigma is getting better, there is still a lot of it out there. So many people actually have mental illness, but you would never know it because from the outside they seem to be functioning just fine. But mental illness is just as real as any other illness that you CAN see from the outside.  If those who suffer are like me, there is still a bit of fear to share because you don't want to appear as weak or unusual.

I may find myself being more open and sharing my experiences with GAD in the blog in the future. If you have any questions about it feel free to ask!

God is Not Here

This year, our church has made some big changes. We used to go to church for 3 hours on Sundays. They have now consolidated the time to 2 hours. However, there is a new curriculum they have introduced called "Come Follow Me". Each family or individual is given a manual which is a guide on what can/should be studied within a calendar week. The lessons given on Sundays in church also correspond with those studies to create a rounded experience. The goal is to bring our discipleship into a home based, church supported one rather than one in which we rely on our church time to fulfill our spiritual needs for the entire week.

I was incredibly gung-ho about the new curriculum and was so excited to start it. I looked forward to becoming more like my Savior - and a much better disciple of him. I looked forward to including my children in the curriculum and doing nightly scripture study and gospel discussion. I did great for the first week in January. I have done horribly since then - next to nothing. Over the last week or so I have really noticed my ability to feel the spirit starting to slip. It was not hard to see that it was because I wasn't doing what I should be doing, even some of those small daily things such as prayer.

This morning as I knelt at my bedside for the first time in a few weeks, my daughter came in to get ready. The following conversation occurred:

"What are you doing?" She asked quizzically.
I answered "I'm praying."
She said "But God isn't here."

I cannot lie. My heart sank at her answer. My most treasured possession is the gospel of Jesus Christ. It has taken me on the paths I have gone on in my life. It has shaped me into who I am today. More than anything I would love to share with my children His love and help them understand His plan for them so they will know this for themselves. In that moment I really felt like I was failing.

On the other hand I also felt guilty for how long it had been since I had spoken to my Father in Heaven. Does he listen? Does he care? Even when I have treated Him like I don't care? I am so grateful to know without a doubt in my heart that He DOES care. That He will ALWAYS care. That no matter how far off the path I've gotten, the moment I turn back, He's there, waiting for me.

In 3 separate instances in Isaiah, the words are spoken, "For all this his anger is not turned away, but his hand is stretched out still." (See Isaiah 5:25, 9:21, and 10:4)

My children don't always make the choices I want them to make. And sometimes it is frustrating. But my love never dissipates. As soon as they are ready, I'm there with a snuggle and a kiss and advice on how we can handle things better next time.

How grateful I am for a loving Heavenly Father who does the same. Who loves me with more love than I can comprehend, even when I continue to stray off the path.

This morning after my daughter's comment, I knew it was a teaching moment. The conversation continued:

"Sweetie, Heavenly Father is everywhere. All the time."
"But He's in heaven"
"Right. But He still hears us no matter where we are, no matter what time it is."
"Even in Africa?"
"Yes, even in Africa"

A Child's Prayer (vs. 2)
"Pray, He is there. Speak. He is listening. You are His child. His love now surrounds you.
He hears your prayer. He loves [His] children. Of such is the kingdom, the kingdom of Heaven."

This Child That You Deliver

Earlier this Christmas season as I began to listen to the holiday music, I was struck by a line in the song "Merry Christmas Mary", which was often sung by the select choir at my high school.

Excerpt : 

Joseph was tired, they'd been traveling all day

and it was almost midnight before they found a place to stay.

He put the burro in the stall, and knelt beside his wife

to comfort her as she went through the pains of giving life. 

I don't know if it is because Tyler is our last or if it is because he is simply the youngest baby we have had at Christmas time. But I have been truly struck by the actual event, or birth, of the Savior and the time shortly following his birth. As a mother to four, I have many worries about them, and they started during pregnancy- before they were even out. I want to raise them right. I want them to be good people. I want them to be kind. I want them to have the strength to resist temptations. I want them to KNOW that Heavenly Father and their Savior Jesus Christ loves them. 

As I ponder on the events leading up to the Savior's birth, I can scarcely imagine the weight that Mary felt upon herself, knowing that she would be bearing and raising the Lord, our King. HER King. And yet she had the greatest faith to respond to the angel Gabriel's declaration, "Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word." Oh but if I could have faith such as that! 

Fast forward 9 months. Mary is preparing to give birth. I love how in the scriptures in Luke 6 it states "the days were accomplished that she should be delivered." If you have been pregnant before, you know that pregnancy is no easy ride. But as bad as that is, labor can be incredibly uncomfortable and painful. Much more so than any of the discomforts of the prior 9 months. Mary was about to experience those "pains of giving life." 

I labored with each of my children naturally, foregoing the pain medications. To get through contractions, one of the things I thought of most was that all of the pain was going to be worth it for the end result, that ANY amount of pain would be worth it to achieve that end result, that culmination for all the discomforts and pains of the past 9 months. A beautiful new life. 

I cannot describe the joy and relief when it is over. I cannot describe the penetration of the Spirit of the Lord into your heart as a new mother or father (or new again) as you welcome your precious baby to the Earth, to begin their mortal life. 

Can you imagine the joy felt in that dim manger on that Christmas night as the babe Jesus entered into the world? 

As I continue to listen to my playlist of Christmas music, I hear yet another song which had been oft sung by my high school choir. This song recently made it's way into popular music by Pentatonix. 

Excerpt : 

Mary did you know, that your baby boy has come to make you new?

This child that you deliver, will soon deliver you.

According to the scriptures, Mary was "delivered". But because of the Savior's birth she was also delivered. 

The more I think upon the birth of my Savior, the more I appreciate and love Him. The more I realize just how incomprehensible His sacrifice was. The more I realize His love for me. When HE suffered, to an extent I know not, and endured the pain, and would endure ANY amount of pain, to achieve that end result. The doors being opened for the eternal life of man. 

Glory be to God for the birth of our Savior!

I know that He was conceived and born of Mary, and that he lived a perfect life. That He lived so that we may live. I pray that as we celebrate the season we will take time to step back and reflect, and marvel upon the event which we truly celebrate. 

Love, Christine 

Pruning

Today I committed murder ... crepe murder, that is.

For some reason, our family has seemed to have gotten hit with a lot of different, constant sicknesses this fall. Someone jokingly told me "Well I guess that's what you get with four kids!" In a way I'm sure it holds a level of truth! But to be honest, I hope it doesn't! Because I certainly get sick of being sick.

The transition to four kids has been the hardest for me. I think that it has been the hardest due to circumstance. I have always added a baby to the family without kids in school, and now I have two in school and at different schools at that. I have thankfully been incredibly blessed with angel friends who help by taking B along with their daughters to school so I only have to drive to/from school 3 times rather than 4 per day. But regardless, for whatever reason, it has just been the most difficult.

For the past several weeks in particular I have found myself getting completely run down. I have been sick, not sick enough to be a big deal, but the kind of sick when you feel crummy enough that you're exhausted. A sign that your body is telling you to rest, right? Well my husband would agree. I should be going to bed early. But the thing is, when my kids are finally in bed for the night that's mom time. Time where I can get housework done without neglecting the time of my littles and also have time just for myself to do what I want to do. Unfortunately lack of sleep led to emotional and spiritual stunting. I was more impatient with my children - grumpy mom came out a LOT more. The prophet, President Russell M. Nelson, has challenged the women of the church to read the Book of Mormon by the end of the year. I have been taking that challenge. But lately my physical and emotional lack has led to a lack of the ability to feel the spirit. I know I could be getting more from my scripture studies. I have never been so run down perhaps in my whole life. And it snuck up on me slowly. This complete running out of steam came to a head for me recently and ended with me crying over the fact that really I just want to be super mom and to have time for ALL the things, every day.

I have done a lot of yard work in the last 6 months. From cutting down diseased bushes to cutting back huge trees, to pruning crepe myrtles.

I had never really paid much attention to crepe myrtles as a tree until we lived here. We have several in our backyard and so now I notice their presence wherever we go. They are beautiful and flower in the spring - in colors that come in purples, reds, and whites. Unfortunately when our house was built, I can tell that the landscaper perhaps didn't adequately consider the growth of the plants chosen over time. We have full sun plant in full shade and vice versa.

Because of the great growth of nearby trees and lack of past pruning, our crepe myrtles had grown very awkwardly - they were very tall and skinny with the leaves and blooms only being on the very tops of the branches where they could reach the sun. In order to compensate for this, I have been correcting problems by trimming, cutting, and pruning.

As I was pruning the crepe myrtles, I couldn't help but thinking about how much these were like my own life. Because of circumstance, these trees were trying so hard to put their energy into blooms and growth but needed the sun. Yes they were full sized, but were not growing to their full beauty and potential. They need this pruning to start over, cut out the unnecessary branches so they can redistribute their energy into the branches that will be the strongest and beautify the tree.

At the time of my breakdown, my loving husband talked to me about how sometimes it's just not possible or best to do everything, especially when it comes at the cost of nothing getting my fullest potential because I'm stretched so thin. I cannot lift others when I am below them. So now it is time to regroup and redirect. Focus on what matters most.

It is time for a pruning.

What do you need to prune in your life?

love, Christine

General Authority Matching Game